So, I just finished reading Penelope Trunk’s latest post. This is not going to be a fan letter to her (though I’m a big fan — I love her honesty and openness), but this posting of mine is sparked by her post titled <<Tsotchke, chazzerai, schmate>>, so I want to be sure to send people over to see her. While there, you should buy her book. I am eagerly awaiting my copy, and can tell you already that I’ll love it, and it is worth the cost.
Her post struck me in particular, because right now, I’m feeling a little lonely. Which is ridiculous because I have this lovely cat who will meow incessantly at my back door, or try to sit in my lap as I type, and with so much meowing you’d think I’d prefer to be alone. That cat can sure meow.
The other week, as I was moving stuff out of the place I shared with Josh, he looked wistfully at Daphne and mentioned how he’d miss her, because cats bring manageable portions of chaos to life. He told me about a weekend in which he’d cleaned the place thoroughly, like, an hour (or more?) of deep cleaning. Mere minutes after he’d finished that effort, Daphne came along and vomited right on the clean floor.
It reminded him a bit of life — there is chaos everywhere, and no matter how much one may try to evade it, or seek to control it, chaos will still end up vomiting on your nice, clean floor moments after you’ve complimented yourself on a job well-done. Yep, I’d have to agree.
I’ve been doing a lot lately — working at a great job, fostering my sense of belonging to something bigger <<[crash.coop]>>, spending time with friends and family, moving, and getting settled. Though it feels really good to be moving into this next stage of my life, I can’t help but notice there’s not enough time for flat-out loving. Of life, the universe, and everything. Of really sharing time with people I love, doing things we love.
It’s okay, really — I know that being conscious of what is important to me will help me to prioritize. And some of the things that have been absorbing the bulk of my free time and focus will soon be complete (moving, painting). Plus, I’m working on my discipline, which I’m hoping will translate into more effective use of my time on projects I care about, as well as an improved ability to say No and protect some quality time in which I can dedicate myself to playing and adventures with my loved ones.
When I spend time with the people I love, doing things I love, it helps me to feel connected, it helps me to feel as though I belong. But one of the things that I’m recognizing in life is that the more I focus on the here and now, the more I feel as though I belong to each moment — that where I’m at is exactly where I need to be. That what I’m doing, is exactly what I need to do.
I’ll leave you today with an interesting tidbit. I moved into my new place, and realized that my house number (4121) is what I use to remember how to write my name in Sanskrit, as the characters look similar to those numbers. With my particular unit (101), I now think of my new home as Sasha 101, like it’s a college course. I suspect I’ll be learning a lot about myself over the coming year, and bring a studiousness that I only wish I’d had in college. 🙂
With that, I leave you with love. Take care!