Tag Archives: Love.x.infinity

Rhyme of Another Summer

This is adapted from an exercise we’re doing in Crash, which was adapted from my friend Theresa’s brother-in-law’s classroom. Each week, one of us posts a song, and then we have a few minute’s writing meditation. This week’s selection was made by my friend Brent, and it was Yann Tiersen’s “Comptine D’un Autre Eté”. He described it as “short and heartbreaking and beautiful,” and shared it because it “peels back the layers in slow motion.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*

I think the only word I’d add to Brent’s adjectives is wistful; that’s how I feel after listening to it. I want the song to keep playing over and over, slowing time down to where I notice each breath I’m taking, each pulse of my heart. I know the song will be over all too soon, and then? It’s back to the grindstone.

Why is it so hard to carve time for one’s self? Sometimes, in the midst of chaos I thrust myself into an existential mindset that leaves my inner-self clamoring to have the right to choose each moment in a way that feels best for me. I can intuit what is right for me, but there is no path easily available that leads there. (Apart, say, from winning a MacArthur grant and having the freedom to direct my energies as I see fit. Wouldn’t that be just lovely?!?)

At times, I feel out of place. Like I’m an artist-in-residence in a suit-and-tie world. If you look at my cube compared to those of my colleagues, it could serve to highlight that fact. And though it’d be lovely to just do as I want to do, I understand that in order to provide for myself, I must do the work that others ask me to do, in order to be rewarded with the opportunities to do the work I’m called to do. I am glad that the work that I’m doing in the CU Movement holds meaning for me, and that the people I’m working alongside are ones who brighten and enrich my life in so many ways – but am I just being ungrateful for what I am fortunate to have? (It feels a little like that.)

I wonder what it would have been like to be a nomad, before the Age of Industry, before the Renaissance and the Dark Ages. I’ve no doubt I would have minded my duties with great care – gathering food as I walked the beautiful and bountiful landscape around me. Undoubtedly tending to members of my tribe in the ways that I feel called to do even in the here and now, though there’s so much more that’s… different… with technology.

Last night I walked through the neighborhoods around my house, and there were people I wanted to say Hello to, except that they were absorbed in the devices they carried with them. And there were others I did greet, andwe made that brief connection with surprise, like it came out of nowhere. We shared space for a few seconds and acknowledged one another, and I think that’s all that we’re really put here to do, anyway.

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How does he do it?

From Rob Brezny’s Free Will Astrology:

Verticle Oracle card

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
“Dear Rob: All my life I’ve been passionate about the big picture — learning how the universe works, meditating on why things are the way they are, and probing the invisible forces working behind the scenes. Too often, though, I’m so enamored of these expansive concepts that I neglect to pay enough humble attention to myself. It’s embarrassing. Loving the infinite, I scrimp on taking care of the finite. Any advice? – Larger Than Life Sagittarian.” Dear Larger: You’re in luck! Members of the Sagittarian tribe have entered a phase when they can make up for their previous neglect of life-nourishing details. In the coming weeks, I bet you’ll find it as fun and interesting to attend to your own little needs as you normally do to understanding the mysteries of the cosmos.

~*~

The opening letter could have been written by me. And I find Rob’s advice rather timely as I’m coming off of a busy week, and headed into another busy week too. I have a to-do list, but included on there is a reminder to relax and read for a little while. And maybe go for a walk in my neighborhood, ah. Sounds good.

Protected: Unicorn v. Walrus

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Protected: You say you want a Resolution, Well, you know…

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Murmurs on a Transitional Season

The leaves outside my window are a beautiful shade of yellow.  The ones still on the trees, at least.  The others are carpeting the sidewalk, turning it a slick reddish-brown.

I’ve always had a hard time answering the question, “What’s your favorite season?”  For as each season comes, I take a deep breath and think about how much I love this time of year, whatever time of year it is.  If I had to choose, really, as in life depends on making a choice —  it would be this murky segue between fall and winter that we are experiencing right now.

When the weather is like this, I don’t really mind when I’m indoors – at least I’m dry and mostly warm, right? (I say “mostly warm” because our house ineffectively heats the outdoors… and we prolong turning heat on until we can see our breath inside.)  This encourages more reading and writing, more contemplation about life and what I want from it.  Sometimes the depths of contemplation leave me longing for sunshine, but when I choose more superficial wants, it’s pretty easy.  What do I want from life right now?  A mug of hot cocoa.  See?  That’s easy.

And when I’m outdoors, running or walking along the streets, I feel a kinship with others who are outside too.  We don’t let a little chill or rain prevent us from breathing air that is so crisp it almost sears your throat with sweetness.  I try not to stare into houses as I walk by, but I treasure the glimpses of strangers’ lives, seeing warmth lighting up the transitional season.  The smells are good too; people cooking heartier meals filled with onions and garlic, the aroma of woodsmoke sparking a reminder that I want to create in my future a home with a fireplace.

The trees stand in various stages of undress, none quite naked yet.  The days are dimmer, a little fuzzy around the edges — perhaps our ancestors used to hibernate like bears when winter struck.  I know I find myself lulled into early sleep by the susurrations of wind on the roof, the pitter of rain-drops on the skylight.  When I sometimes find myself awake at three in the morning, which happens more often than I prefer, I count the people I love in place of sheep.  “I love…  I love…” each love wrapping my heart in blanket that makes the long night warmer and lighter, making a lonely hour of sleeplessness one filled with company in my dreams.

Brilliant, Our Neighborhood Is.

So sometimes I have a post bubbling up in my mind because I have had a really good day and I want to share.  The problem?  I’m not sure where to post it.  I have multiple blogs, which I thought made me kinda weird, until one of Josh’s friends made me feel better about it because “it shows that your different blogs have different topics, and so have more focus” than your average blog on the street.  But some of my favorite bloggers (see the blogs I follow) are inspirational role models to me, and I don’t think they lack focus.  But this is coming from a gal who suspects she’s got ADD.  Lord only knows what my focus is like.

Anyway, this blog is about Seattle and my life in it.  I think my life in Seattle includes my job, and I’m beginning to feel better about writing about my job because I’m getting to the point where I can identify the work I do as a passion of mine.  However, this particular posting is not going to be about that, other than to say I had a really awesome day at work — I may even venture to say an awesome week, and I know that the foreseeable future is also very, very awesome indeed.

So, coming off the high of a great week, came my evening.  Josh and I have been falling into a pattern of Fridays being kinda date-y nights.  They’re just ideal, and I love that.  Tonight is no exception.  He played guitar from his guitar-corner.  I delighted in having internet-access at my workstation, which has a convenient view of his guitar corner, and caught up on all my favorite blogs.  After reading a posting from “Freshly Pressed” about relationships, I realized two things.  (1) I love this man and always will, and (2) I wanted dinner.

We consulted, and we divided and conquered.  He took care of the hunt, and I gathered entertainment.  Which brings me to the real point of my post!  I frickin’ love our neighborhood to pieces.  Timeline of “events” follows:

[7:34 PM.  Location: Sidewalk, two doors north of home] See neighbor cat Rothko coming toward me.  I stop to greet him/her, and spend the most delightful two minutes squatting and petting him as he walks in circles around my feet and being lovely.  We catch up on the news (it’s been awhile), and I begin the awkward “I should be on my way…” where I don’t want to hurt Rothko’s feelings by leaving.  I tell Rothko that s/he should get back to keeping the neighborhood safe, and as I stand up, Rothko does this cool leap up the rocks in the neighbor’s garden.  Rothko is our Neighborhood Watch Mascot, for sure.  Catch you on the flip-side, Rothkat.

[7:40 PM Location: Round the corner on Harrison]  I’m crossing the alley, and a toddler boy is running toward me, arms back in the way little kids run, his mom a few steps behind him.

Little Boy: “[indistinct]… don’t have to stop for caaarrrrrs!”

Mom: “We always need to stop for cars.”

I am passing them as she says this, and so two strides later I can’t help but look back.  They are both stopped at the alleyway, looking down the alley, checking for cars.  This is good parenting.

[7:44 PM Location: On 15th Video]  We love this video store, and the staff are awesome.  This place won my heart the first time I set foot in it (Josh had been in it for years), and we were looking for The Spy Who Came In From The Cold.  We asked the clerk about it, and he’s all “Oh, yeah we have it.  It’s in the Spy section.”  This place also has a Superhero section, among others.  Rock it.

Anyway, I head immediately to get the next disc of The Wire because J-Money has gotten me addicted.  A nice couple is kinda blocking the way, but they have a dog, and they seem nice, so I just crane my neck to catch a minute of the movie that’s playing while I wait for them to make their selection.  Not only do they have a dog, but they have an Australian Shepherd, which is the dog of my dreams.  I’ve wanted one for easily ten years.  Anyway, I watch some movie with the Sarah Conor from Terminator that is definitely not a Terminator movie, and when I look back, they’ve stepped over enough to give clearance to The Wire.  I bend down, and they end up walking past me.  Dog smiles at me, I smile at Dog, and as Dog passes, I feel his nose running along the part of my back that is exposed by squatting to get the DVD!  But I felt flattered, cause he was probably blessing me, and that will pave the way to get an even-tempered Aussie that will value running with me in the future.  Yeah, good Dog, good.

[7:50 PM, East of On 15th] Older Woman in 1st floor of condos has her blinds all open and lights blazing.  Her space is absolutely beautiful, like a museum with a collection of beautiful well-loved things.  A gallery of the crossroads of Beauty and Utility.  It was a nice view.  This is the last thing that was pleasant, and was enough to float me home on a cloud of goodwill for our neighborhood.

[7:55 PM, Home] I kiss my love and tell him all of the wonderful things that he missed.  I probably use the word “brilliant” which I do use, a lot, and he teases me for it… he thinks it’s Hipsterish, but is recognizing that I have used that word many times over the past 20-something years, and it has nothing to do with Hipsters.

Probably when my Nana gave me the blue and red striped knee socks that I wore like crazy at age four, in the heat of Hawaii, I probably looked up at her and said “Nana, these are brilliant.”  And they were.

And life is brilliant, really.  And food is ready and Josh is devouring it, and The Wire is singing its siren song, and I will leave you with all of the blessings in my heart, cause I love you.